Chapter Three
Cuddy said “Well if you are married you cant be in the same department so Forman is out as cancer head doctor and KayLee you can have that job.”
Foreman: As much as I'm sure
Cameron: Blond hair, green eyes, perfect body, House's one true love. Haven't you been paying attention to the rest of the story?
KayLee said OK and House didn’t care because the office is right next door so he can see her almost all the time anyway. Maybe he will put a window in the conference room so he can look into her office all the time.
They got married at a very pretty church in
House: The same place I got two hundred friends, apparently.
She wanted Chase to walk her down the isle.
Chase: I'll walk her down the isle. And then I'll drop her off the end of the dock to let her drown.
So House said “Where is your dad”? But he couldn’t see KayLee before the wedding so they had to talk on cell phones. KayLee said “My dad and mom don’t love me anymore” and then she cried alittle but House said “Oh baby don’t cry I love you and I’m going to be your family now. You only need me”.
Foreman: Isn't isolation one of the signs of an abusive relationship?
KayLee said “Oh your right sweetie. Go on so we can get married”.
Then they were married and had their party in the fanciest hotel with big crystal chandeliers. KayLee’s dress was pure white with little white pearls and lots of ruffle and bows. Her hair was shiny and bouncy on her shoulders and she looked more like an angel then ever. House couldn’t stop staring at her when he wasn’t kissing her cheek or dancing with her every dance real slow.
House: Bum leg. No dancing.
Chase and Cameron got engaged too and Forman and Cuddy did too even though he was black.
Foreman: *steam pours from ears*
House: Would you people stop trying to torch the hospital?
After the party they got in their big white limo to go to their honeymoon. House said “Do you want some champagne”? and KayLee said “Just one glass on this perfect night”. The bubbles were fuzzy and House was a little drunk when they got to their honeymoon hotel but he still carried her upstairs to their room. Which was almost a suite with its own refrigerator and everything.
House: Bum. Leg.
Then they kissed for a long time which was OK because they were man and wife and then he had knowledge of her.
Chase: Okay, even the most devout Catholics call it sex.
KayLee cried because its scary for a girl her first time
Cameron: Wimp.
but he held her close and kissed her tears away and said “Its ok we’re married now. And think if everything works out right maybe we just made our first baby! I hope so because you’re going to be a great mommy”.
Foreman: Sue Spawn! Make it go away!
KayLee said “Oh Gregg, you will be a great daddy for our children I hope I’m pregnant right now”. Then they hugged more. Then KayLee said “But I have something to tell you and please don’t be mad”. House said “I could never be mad at you, you are my perfect darling”.
House: I'm giving myself a cavity.
KayLee cried a little more just beautiful small tears and then she said “Gregg I have a terrible secret. But God has forgiven me and I hope you do too because you are my sole mate. You see I was a sinner before but threw the love of our Lord I became changed”.
House said “KayLee darling we are all sinners”.
KayLee said “But I had a special shame which was I used to be a man. (A/N !) And not only a man but a terrible jerk of a man who hurt you so much. I’m so sorry baby.”
Chase: *twitch*
House: You owe me ten hours.
House said “KayLee, what are you saying. You are gorgeous woman you can’t be a man.” KayLee said “I was a man but not any more. Jesus’s love showed me what I had to do to be pure and clean so I had surgery to take away my evil man parts and become the woman you could love. I used to be that jerk James Wilson but now I am my true self Mrs. KayLee House. Your love and the Lord’s have made me sweet and womanly just as I should be”.
*crickets chirp as everyone stares at
Wilson: *headdesk*
House: But I like your evil man parts.
House was surprised. How could his perfect KayLee ever have been that jerk. He said “Your Jewish!”
House: I seem awfully accepting about this. Did you slip a mickey in my champagne?
KayLee said “Well I was but not anymore I took Jesus Christ into my heart and now I am a new woman and we can be together for always.”
House said “Oh baby that’s so great to have Him as your personal Savior. I just know He’s going to bless us with lots of babies and love for ever.” They kissed a lot again and went to sleep and in the morning even in the daylight he had knowledge of her again.
House: I demand that you give that poor woman you robbed her reproductive system back.
And nine months exactly later House and KayLee’s twin girls
Cameron: Kaygreg? What the hell kind of name is Kaygreg?
Chase: No remarks about the decent mother comment?
Cameron: I'm watching my blood pressure.
GHMDGHMDGHMDGHMD
A LOT LATER (A/N I don’t know if this part is called prolog or antilog or what)
Your one granddaughter’s graduation from medical school is real nice. (Your KayLee) She majored in diagnostition just like her Grandpappy and he is so proud of her.
House: No one calls me grandpappy and lives.
At the dance that night, Gregg sambas with you so fun
Everyone: NO DANCING!
(A/N Just like Hugh Lauire did in that Girl in
Foreman: Your life's a freakin' fairy tale.
I hope you like! Read & Review or else! And no being mean like sometimes people do. I tried very hard.
A/N 2, The girl who helped me with spelling said
Chase: They're called contacts, author-person.
Cameron: And hair dye. Surgery can't change either of those things.
Foreman: So, the author insulted how many groups in the space of the story?
House: Amnesty International's going to have a field day with this one.
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September 30 2006, 01:51:47 UTC 5 years ago
I am devoutly grateful that I only met this in the MST version. I don't know how you managed it. *shudder*
September 30 2006, 01:58:36 UTC 5 years ago
September 30 2006, 01:58:01 UTC 5 years ago
It's so nice that Cuddy and Foreman can be married even though he is black. Someone go tell Heidi Klum. *headdesk*
KayLee quits her doctor job to stay home with them like every decent mother does
My sister is a working mom. I better not show her this...her head might explode.
Great MST. Good riddance to this trash.
September 30 2006, 02:01:19 UTC 5 years ago
Thanks for reading.
5 years ago
5 years ago
5 years ago
5 years ago
September 30 2006, 02:02:00 UTC 5 years ago
<:3D~
September 30 2006, 02:02:35 UTC 5 years ago
September 30 2006, 02:35:47 UTC 5 years ago
The surprise was just awful come on, Wilson turns into a woman and suddenly becomes Christian just because House didn't love him when he was a man also the 'evil man parts' well dear those evil man parts help us to reproduce therefore populating the world. What is wrong with these people!!??
And not to mention the discrimination shown in this dreck of a fic, just absolutely disgusting the author should have been shot and shot again until there is nothing left except an arm stump.
I wonder if the fic was written by a 12 year old girl in need of some help and therapy.
Guess we'll never know?
Good work! lots of laughs were had, keyboards replaced and monitors wiped
i'll stop ranting now
P.S Love your icon Alan Rickman is SUPER!! <3
P.P.S Can i friend? i'm so lonely...
September 30 2006, 04:14:52 UTC 5 years ago
September 30 2006, 02:41:22 UTC 5 years ago
I'm thinking this will make a great off-Lower Broadway (i.e. Nashville) production. A story this-unique-needs to get an audience somewhere it can truly be appreciated. The mid-South Bible belt is just the place.
After reading this abomination twice I'm giving up on sobriety. Someone pass me a nice voddie. I think I'll start smoking again, too.
Our Lord and Savior won't hold it against me.
September 30 2006, 04:15:53 UTC 5 years ago
Thanks for reading.
September 30 2006, 03:25:57 UTC 5 years ago
She kinda reminds me of the mother in "Carrie."
My icon sez it all with this warped kid's perspective.
September 30 2006, 04:17:37 UTC 5 years ago
Thanks for reading.
5 years ago
5 years ago
September 30 2006, 03:43:48 UTC 5 years ago
Your MST wins at life, though.
*crickets chirp as everyone stares at Wilson*
Wilson: *headdesk*
House: But I like your evil man parts.
Yay! ^_^
September 30 2006, 04:18:11 UTC 5 years ago
September 30 2006, 04:33:05 UTC 5 years ago
I refuse to believe this one is true either. No... mumbles to self... no.. House is a fun show I watch in the wee hours of the morning after my computer has done its magic. It involves medical drama and lots of overacting and balconies - it does not involve perverted Southern Baptists, really disturbing discussions about sex and sex changed oncologists. David Shore would weep.
September 30 2006, 04:40:26 UTC 5 years ago
Thanks for reading.
Anonymous
September 30 2006, 04:39:20 UTC 5 years ago
I'm choosing to believe that this means Cuddy knew the truth!
I also choose to believe that this fic was written as a joke, because otherwise I will go insane. You are a strong person to come through this with your sanity intact, and I salute you.
A sex change AND mpreg. Anti-Semitism, sexism and racism. Mary Sueism. I didn't think anything could be worse than cancer germs, but here it is.
September 30 2006, 04:44:46 UTC 5 years ago
Thanks for reading.
September 30 2006, 04:59:02 UTC 5 years ago
Wilson: *headdesk*
House: But I like your evil man parts.
Yes, we all like his evil man parts. For the love of Krishna, why would someone write this?
House was surprised. How could his perfect KayLee ever have been that jerk. He said “Your Jewish!”
The only good part of the fic. Nevermind the sex change and the fact that he's now married to and having sex with a man...But he/she's Jewish!
October 1 2006, 02:18:30 UTC 5 years ago
Thanks for reading.
September 30 2006, 07:04:00 UTC 5 years ago
October 1 2006, 02:19:43 UTC 5 years ago
Thanks for reading.
September 30 2006, 10:08:54 UTC 5 years ago
Best. Spawn. Name. Ever.
I can't even comment on the hideousness that is the rest of this fic. Just...Kaygreg.
October 1 2006, 02:22:22 UTC 5 years ago
Thanks for reading.
September 30 2006, 12:00:16 UTC 5 years ago
Really hilarious work, just too much funny stuff to quote, but House liking Wilson's evil man parts and isolation being part of an abusive relationship... LOL!
My god. I mean, I MSTed a story about brain cancer germs, but that's looking like [i]The Brothers Karamazov[/i] compared to this story. Your fortitude amazes me.
October 1 2006, 02:22:52 UTC 5 years ago
September 30 2006, 12:04:36 UTC 5 years ago
I wish someone had done this to the author after the first chapter.
Great MST and congratulations for surviving to the end.
October 1 2006, 02:23:14 UTC 5 years ago
September 30 2006, 13:51:35 UTC 5 years ago
Still A+
October 1 2006, 02:23:39 UTC 5 years ago
September 30 2006, 14:20:39 UTC 5 years ago
October 1 2006, 02:24:10 UTC 5 years ago
September 30 2006, 15:02:50 UTC 5 years ago
October 1 2006, 02:24:34 UTC 5 years ago
Anonymous
September 30 2006, 15:55:20 UTC 5 years ago
Let me see if I got this straight:
House was pissed with Wilson because he kept from House that the patient was cured, and rather than handle the situation like an adult Wilson formed a cunning plan to trick House into thinking that he left for Florida, while what he really did was go away to get a sex change operation. At about the same time he somehow conveniently contracted the Mary Sue virus that makes your eyes change colors (when your eyes turn sapphire green it's definitely time to get them checked out). Then s/he comes back, tricks House into marrying him/her after three dates, then confesses about the bad, bad thing s/he did. And for some reason House it okay with this and doesn't kick his/her ass, because Wilson took Jesus into his heart, and they live happily ever after.
Huh.
It was an unexpected twist, I'll give them that...
I call troll. No one this stupid would be able to stay alive long enough to learn how to use a computer. Please?
September 30 2006, 22:02:24 UTC 5 years ago
5 years ago
Anonymous
5 years ago
5 years ago
September 30 2006, 16:28:19 UTC 5 years ago
October 1 2006, 02:26:06 UTC 5 years ago
5 years ago
5 years ago
September 30 2006, 16:29:17 UTC 5 years ago
Great MST, but now I must go soak my head in a bucket of bleach...
October 1 2006, 02:26:47 UTC 5 years ago
September 30 2006, 16:59:58 UTC 5 years ago
A++, but...
*cries*October 1 2006, 02:27:05 UTC 5 years ago
Re: A++, but...
Thanks for reading. I love your icon.September 30 2006, 17:50:47 UTC 5 years ago
October 1 2006, 02:27:24 UTC 5 years ago
September 30 2006, 20:12:57 UTC 5 years ago
I do just have to MST one line in there myself. Hope you don't mind.
A LOT LATER (A/N I don’t know if this part is called prolog or antilog or what)
House: It's an Epilogue.
Foreman: Sod that, we need an epidural!
Wilson: No she'd still be awake. What we need is a subdural.
Cameron: As in haematoma?
Wilson: *Nods*
October 1 2006, 02:28:25 UTC 5 years ago
Thanks for reading.
September 30 2006, 20:37:30 UTC 5 years ago
I am definitely calling troll here. I am going to go all fic!Cameron and slit my wrists if you try to tell me otherwise.
Although if this is for real, have a PSA:
Parents, please, please remember to hide the inhalants from your kids. See this as a cautionary tale. They will never get those brain cells back, and will become a burden unto you for the rest of your life otherwise. Thank you.
Anyway, wonderful MST. What was amusing is my friend who read the fic unMSTed said the same comment that you did at one point, only from Wilson's perspective (where House said "I like your evil man parts".)
October 1 2006, 02:29:13 UTC 5 years ago
Thanks for reading.
September 30 2006, 22:15:34 UTC 5 years ago
Chase: *twitch*
House: You owe me ten hours.
but my fave was the closing line:
House: Amnesty International's going to have a field day with this one.
October 1 2006, 02:29:38 UTC 5 years ago
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